P A R I S

Since I can't show you any fun German things for a lil bit I thought I'd catch you up on the Naomi+Alexa Parisian Holiday.

My mind was pretty much made up about mimes, until I saw Caesar here with the looooongest gummiest snot river running down his immobile face. It kinda gave me the chills, like Bach's cello suites plus doorway crackhead sex.....

In Paris, especially the 17th arr where we stayed, there are weird stores where you walk in and some hot schizophrenic Turkish guy has amassed a treasure trove full of the filthiest, cheapest, most random flea market flunkie crap you could ever imagine. It's the best. I went in to find cloth-covered buttons. That's the one thing they didn't have.

This was news to me: It's not cool to go to the Louvre anymore. Alexa told me this, and she is the authority on all things wasp. So don't go. Go to the Musee d'Orsay, though. It's worth it, and the lines (yes, LINES. believe it.) are minimal.

I have this hip problem that I usually remedy with a bunch of Aspirin.......European Aspirin will kick your ass. Do NOT take them with European Diet Pills.

It's dangereux to lose your head.

There it Is. One thing about Paris in the Winter is that the Eiffel Tower gets a special glittery flickering light treatment.

The Clockwork Orange penis sculpture, Palais de Tokyo

Canadians.

Admirable idiom that no literary man can describe; because our words are all made in advance, alas...

My life situation is pretty desps right now, guys.
Take a freaking gander at the problematic minutiae that Naomioki has to deal with:

1. The lens of my camera won't retract! Come ON Canon let's get it Together. Seriously. Luckily this nice Model Guy (oh and in 2008 archetypes are the only referents you're going to find on here so love it or leave it Readers) pointed me in the direction of a reliable camera shop, BY THE WAY: Shame on you women of the English-speaking world who hack the myspace accounts of unsuspecting foreign dudes. I'm totally not talking shit actually. Remember the NAOMI imposter profile? Well, if that wasn't the creepiest..For anything the fake Naomi said or subscribed to SORRRRRYYYY folks, I should be more discerning about the kids I run with...

2. Having been without a proper computer of my own for so long has rendered me way, way behind the times. N!k imed me the other day and was all "Oooh! Send me some pictures!" Okay. What? Not to mention all the pictures on my blog are getting cut off. Balls. What I ever did to deserve this is so beyond me.

And like I said, camera is broKEN. Susannah gave me a 35mm to use for my daily affairs, but while freshly developed film from the drugstore is one of my all time faves, all my pictures are total crap. Oh, thats another thing.

3. I can't take a decent photo. I've been able to sidestep this shortcoming for years now thanks to photo editing. Get ready for the big reveal of my utter lack of creative prowess.

4. And don't you hate hate hate it when you compose Pulitzer-caliber missives to people, namely Former Teachers/Mentors/Employers and don't receive a response? I admit, I am very impatient. Only child, I mean, what are you gonna... Oh, and I need to amend the content of my last post, wherein I criticized the tardy reply of a certain This Guy. As it were, This Guy checked in with a flowery response and he's okay again in my book.

On to the bigger and better. I hope you can appreciate this device, offered by the creators of Dictionary.com, as much as I do.

http://dictionary.reference.com/reverse/

Get This. Ever have one of those moments where you're like, desperately searching for the word to fit what you're describing? Usually what follows is you create some totally stupid cutesie wootsie lil word and think you're a genius and Oxford should publish you blah blah, BUT NOW there is a Reverse Dictionary!! Or you can write to Word Court c/o The Atlantic and let waspy phrasemakers from the Midwest fashion a super hackneyed expression from your diamond in the rough.... PS if you don't know about lexicography, DO Wiki it. It's the ultimate indie career.

Suns and moons are not your style; I've known for awhile this is not your way

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Check out how Seinfeldy dad is in this pic. Love it. I still have that floofery dog, too.

Leah's growing up fast, man. I'm trying to teach her everything I know before she's a stuck up bitch who can't be bothered. Only joking. Leah's the best. Better than us. You know how it is.

She really has a thing about me finding a husband in Germany, so we went down to the stables to scope out the equestrian dudes and get some racy profile photos. She says I look like a really "nice girl" in this one. It's heavily photoshopped.

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The bands of her glasses are crocodiles.

Tomorrow ought to be more fun&games, its Deutsch 2 again with N!k (that is how he spelllllss it) my Romanian friend with the gypsy complex. The St.Pauli Night Market flea market is this Saturday, until then I'm all shut up : reading ~ I Am Charlotte Simmons, watching ~ MTVDE, riding ~ out past Oelstorf, where the windmills are, listening ~ Vashti Bunyan (I know, right? In Lower Saxony its Vashti time, all the time. Check the weather. Know what I mean?)

It goes a little something like this...

I currently reside in this magical fairydust palace.

Unfortunately it's in the German countryside, which has me fairly unhinged. .

Ditto for Myspace Deutschland. Me and Myspace DE are Over. So don't check back there for new photos, because my German isn't so great that I can just Navigate to the necessary buttons. In other news, You remember, Alexa and I were in Paris. We just plumb forgot to tell you all about it.

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Believe it or not, we didn't do anything too crazay. Most nights we stayed in and wrote Top 100 Lists. I got to know her so well and I miss her something awfullll...

Thing is, I'm going to be in Europe until July, hm, at least.

Don't lose touch?